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"Be careful driving home"
Only in America are business permit issued for highway side taverns wheredriving is the only way to get there.
I've seen Vancouver BC cops drinking beer in uniform
I've seen a woman drinking beer while driving.
I've been in a situation where I had to empty a Scotch bottle in an office in Taiwan at 3:00 in the afternoon, followed by three drinking places till
two in morning. I was hosted by professional Taiwanese drinkers. As a result, I was completely wasted, and next day I was totally useless, cussing my life while puking or puking all the good food I ate while cussing my life.
"Be careful driving home 1"
Three years ago in Seattle, I spent three full days with Kenny Bernstein, the world's fastest man, a quarter mile distance in 4.8 sec. I was in his
pit for the entire time watching and interviewing him for an assignment for his oil sponsor, working on a co-op article to be used in one of Japanese
motor magazines. Naturally I got the vibration bing in the pit for that long.
The last day of the National Championship, we all went to a Japanese restaurant and had a lot of SAKE. When the party was over, I said goodbye
to Kenny. As I was leaving he asked me if I was up for driving. Actually I wasn't, but you know how drunk people are. I said I never got a ticket for
DUI, and away drove my car.
On I-90, freeway, I had been driving about five miles, when I realized there were several flashing lights blue and red behind me. Whoops, cops!
(this rhymes) I was calm, however. I lowered the window and started deepbreathing repeatedly. I had driven for a couple of miles before I was
finally pulled over.
Two highway patrols were after me. They both got out and started asking a bunch of questions. I pretended I could not speak English well. (very
convenient) I was still deep breathing quietly, cleaning up my lung system. They said they had to check my breath. I said OK. They tested me.
Alcohol did not show. They were resetting the breathalizer thinking something was wrong with the machine. They were determined I was a DUI.
I continued breathing deep. Got tested again. Again, did not show. In the meantime, the other cop was getting his tester out of his car. The deep
breathing did not stop. They never caught me doing it. I looked very calm. Got tested again. and finally, one cop asked me if I spilled beer, and I
said yeah. I explained a friend of mine spilled beer all over my shirt. " See, yu smelru itto?" I got my arm out to the face of the cop.
One cop said "Well I guess you are fine,,,,"
I thought "Fine? Wow, what a deal!"
They told me I passed two highway patrols at 90 miles per hour on 55. The fine was for $275.00, much cheaper than going to jail for seven days and getting my drivers license suspended. They said to me "Be careful driving home"
I did not know anything about this trick of deep breathing. It was my natural instinct. Remember to deep breath when you get pulled over. But just do not drive when you stink like drunk.
"Be careful driving home 2"
I think people you met in Japan were careful ones, Louis. People you did not meet were like me.
When I was still going to university there,I had an old Corona I used to call Borona. (boro = junk). Pubs were new back then, and many pubs opened
for the first time in Tokyo. At their grand openings the cheapest whisky and gin were like Yen 5 ($0.03)for unlimited refills. This was very
attractive to college kids with no money. So we went out almost every night to pubs for just about free drinks.I was driving everybody in my Borona.
One evening we were all happy driving home. I was totally affected and my friends in the back seats were completely wasted. A cop pulled me over, and asked me if we were drinking. I said my friends did but not me since I had to drive. I added I had only juice. He said I must be drunk. (friends looked they were totally gone) I said to him "my friends are drunk that is why they look drunk, but me? no, no, no, I am driving. I can't be like them" The cop told me to tell the truth. I said I was telling the truth. The cop said he'd have to put me on the breathalyzer.
I said he was wasting his time.
The cop said just to get out my car and get into his police car.
I said why he was doing this to me when I was sober (what a liar!)
He said he would find out
As I sat in the back seat of his police car.
He insisted that I'd tell the truth
I suggested if he wanted me to exhale my breath in his face to make it easy.
( I had a bunch of garlic and onion dishes plus fish = pretty stinky)
He responded to my suggestion affirmative.
Beeeeew! blown straight into his face was my stinky breath filled with a
blended gin, fish, garlic and onion.
The cop said " I guess you were telling me the truth"
Thirty years ago in Japan, gin was a new alcoholic beverage and many people
never had chance to taste or smell. It was obvious the cop was expecting a
smell of Sake, Beer, or Scotch from my breath, but he could not recognize
the smell of gin. The cop told me cheerfully "Be careful driving home"
Shoji Onozawa
10-10-98
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